Life As It Should Be
It's just enough to believe...
It's just enough to believe...
There is someone who comes in and out of my mind ever so often in the day… The last time I really knew them was in August of 2011. It’s funny how you can go from really knowing someone to not knowing them at all. I don’t really know what it is… do I miss this person? Do I really miss how sad they made me? Do I really miss how sad and incomplete I felt? What is it that I am missing…?
I’m so happy now and I know that when I think about it… losing that part of my life was worth it. The Lord is worth it. Where would I be now? Would I still be lost? What about all that happened in between. Wandering aimlessly the first few months. Crying for 3 months straight until my sheets were soaked every night… there was a point where I couldn’t remember what it was like not to be that sad. And now here I am. Happy and in a sense, complete. I’ve found my home. Nothing will ever be perfect in life but I am home. The saints are my home. And little by little this person that I am is being transformed. It may be happening day by day and when I stop and look I see it… But sometimes I look back and wonder, where would I be had I not chosen the Lord? What would had happened had I not said, “Lord, do what you have to do.”
Despite my little rough patch this month… no matter what I know that I want nothing more than to gain Christ. Even if I sometimes get too caught up in myself… I know that deep down, anything apart from Christ is meaningless. Whether I’m mad or sad about my current situation, frustrated, or looking at other things to fulfill myself. I know that these things are petty. I know those things are temporary and will do nothing to grant me access into God’s kingdom.
Lately I’ve noticed that it has been hard for me to enjoy the Lord as much as I have been but I keep telling the Lord, Lord, I don’t want to feel like this… I want to enjoy you. I want to be part of what you are doing on this earth, I want to take part into your kingdom. And tonight for some reason, I was reminded that no matter what, I just have to keep running. I may fall but I need to get back up again, as soon as I can because the race is still there and if I wait too long, I won’t finish on time.
Anyway, I’m happy today because the Lord has brought me here, out of darkness and into the light. I want nothing to do with this world, I hate my soul life. All I want is the Lord and to be built up with the saints and I have that :-)
The Lord is coming back for one church and one church only. It is not a church of hierarchy, or a church married to politics. It is not a church that promotes the worship of idols, it is not a church that is worldy… it is not a church that is not fully recovered, opinionated or judgmental. The Lord will come back for a church that is fully recovered in what he is after. A church that takes the Lord as their first love and remains in oneness. That church is represented by the church in Philadelphia in the book of Revelation. The Lord tells those outside the recovered church, “He who has an ear, let him hear”. There will be those outside the recovered church who will see what the Lord is after and take part of it. As for me, I not only want to see what the Lord is after, but I truly believe that I have found the recovered church. Lord Jesus do not ever let me stray from your will, from your economy, or from your hands. I want to be in the church of Philadelphia with all the saints, none of us getting lost or straying away… may we be desperate for your return, may we live every day striving to grow, striving to build, striving to remain in the constant fellowship… keeping you as our first love.